Archive for July, 2010


Today, Mr. Cookie and I are trekking up to Acadia for a week long camping trip.  I’m looking forward to hiking, bike rides, kayaking, wonderful food and friendship shared with the family of one of two great college friends, and sleeping in a tent looking up at the stars.

I adore living in the city, but sometimes I miss the stars.  I promise that we will take plenty of pictures and there will be a lengthy blog post about our trip upon our return.

Yay camping!!


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Almost there

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the culture of weight loss and dieting.  How can I help it, with how immersed in it I’ve been?  The good news is, that after an early weigh in today I’m back on track.  In fact, given a couple more pounds, I will no longer be considered overweight.  That’s a pretty good feeling.  Your support and encouragement have really helped me along.  In an effort to push ourselves through this final stretch, Mr. Cookie and I came up with the idea to track our progress on a big ole whiteboard we’re keeping in our kitchen.  Not just our weight, but our body fat percentage, hydration levels, waist and thigh sizes.  I realize this seems extreme.  But we need extreme.

Both of us came from families where food was a form of comfort, not just sustenance.  Not to knock our parents or anything, because they did too many other things really wonderfully that we absolutely want to emulate.  But, that’s not how we want to raise our kids.  We want them to eat to live, not to eat emotionally.  This is something that Mr. Cookie and I both struggle with.  Having a bad day?  Let’s order some wings and a pint of ice cream!  I’m not saying that food isn’t love.  It is.  But there’s a difference between preparing a wonderful meal for loved ones and digging your way to the bottom of the Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting because your day wasn’t perfect.  We do too much of the latter.  And we’re out to change our habits.  Teach through example, right?

I am so lucky to have people who support me.  I know that in the past, Mr. Cookie and I have unintentionally sabotaged each other time and time again.  Whether it be baking that batch of brownies because someone had a bad day, ordering up two half moons from the Italian bakery down the street, or even just saying “I don’t know why you want to lose more weight.  You look great,” we’ve both done it.  You need support in such a mighty endeavor.

Women especially, I find, are quick to sooth each other by telling them what they want to hear.  Often, this is more detrimental than helpful.  Think about it.  If I was a smoker and was really struggling with quitting, was really having a hard time and was doubting myself, how helpful would it be if my girlfriend said “oh, you know, smoking is not that bad.  My grandpa smoked until the day he died at the ripe old age of 87”?  Because that is, essentially, what many of us are saying to our friends and loved ones who are trying to get in shape.  Guess what!  It is possible to be on a diet and be happy.  It is possible to be thin and healthy and happy as well.  And yeah, sometimes I have a low moment because things aren’t working out how they ought to.  But way more often than not, I’m optimistic and excited.

I want desperately to be a mom.  But I’m not just going to go out tomorrow and throw my legs up in the air.  Mr. Cookie and I know that you can’t plan perfectly.  Heck, it could take us months to get pregnant.  Or, magically, my birth control could stop working and we could get pregnant when we’re not expecting it.  And we’d be okay with either of those scenarios.  BUT we want to be in a healthy place emotionally and physically because we all know how hard it is to postpone  your fitness goals for after a baby comes along.  They take up a lot of time and I’ve known too many women who really struggled to lose weight after giving birth.  I want to be in a good place before my pregnancy so it’s easier to rebound after.  We also want to embody good, strong habits so we pass those on to our kids.  Not to mention, you know, the fact that if Mr. Cookie gets a new job elsewhere next year and I’m stuck here finishing our my contract with my school system, we could be apart for an entire school year.

And the last thing I’m going to say is this.  Diabetes, blood pressure, and cholesterol are all problems in our families.  Yes, we’re young.  Yes, all of those numbers look great for us right now.  But pregnancy does strange things to many women.  Heck, they’re even linking being overweight to PCOS (a syndrome where your ovaries frequently develop cysts that make it hard to conceive- guys, I’ve only got one ovary left!).  I realize that I can prepare all I want and there’s still a chance I could wind up with pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes.  I get that.  But I like odds.  And I know the odds are lower if I’m in the best shape possible from the start.

Can I get an “amen?”

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Off the Wagon

Sometimes, I want a child so badly it aches.  I actually cried the other day because of it (that may have also been induced by a lack of sleep).

For the beginning of my dieting, that feeling and desperation sustained me.  It pushed me to eat healthier and get my exercise in and I was incredibly successful.  It felt like pregnancy was a very near and attainable goal.  Then, when our next year of life became more uncertain and it seemed to grow more and more clear that any family planning would have to take a back seat for a year or so, I started to flounder.

This past week was lousy on a dieting and marriage perspective but great on a personal level.  The show I’ve been working on finally closed, so the late late nights, bad food, and heavy drinking have come to an end.  It has also left me three pounds heavier on the scale (it doesn’t really help that I seem entirely unable to poop).  I am demoralized.

But, I’m not giving up.  I am way way way behind on my weight loss.  I may have to wait an eternity to have kids because of my fat ass (and believe me, it feels like an eternity).  But I’m going to do this healthfully.  No crash dieting.  No obsessive exercising.  Besides, I have all the time in the world.

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Fitness Check In: Week Nine

Slip-ups:  blarg.  I don’t even know where to start.

Eating Habits: I started out really well and then fell to pieces by the end of the week.  The show coupled with personal stress and drama have combined to convince me that it really is okay to eat that extra tub of ice cream.

Exercise: I told myself my challenge was to lose two pounds.  In my head, that meant eating strictly, running at least ten miles, attending swim lessons, do my weekly workout with Sunny, and ride 30 miles on the bike.  I did all of that, minus 3.5 miles and eating strictly.

Weight: 163.  It is going down again, but it’s not the two pounds I had hoped for and I’m not off to a good start this week either.  I feel bloated and fat and I’ve eaten a bunch of crap the last two days.  I have no motivation to exercise.  It doesn’t help that my right elbow has been acting up since Thursday (hurts to extend it all the way; there’s a crunchy feeling when I do) and my left foot has been very sore since Friday (outside length of foot feels tense and strained).

Challenge: stop being so hard on myself.  Realize the weight will come off even if it is a little slower than I’d hoped and I can’t force myself to be perfect to the point of unhappiness.

Sorry the blog has been suffering, guys.  I am going to try to post about the show soon.

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Fitness Check Up: Week Eight

I know, I know.  I  missed week 7.  To fill you in, my weight went up 1.5 pounds and I couldn’t deal with posting about it.  So there.

Slip-ups:  It started with the Fourth.  Much bad food and alcohol were consumed.  I also didn’t really exercise much this week.  Everything was a slip-up.

Eating Habits: I got it together partway through the week, but the beginning of the week was filled with bad food.  I’m focusing on the getting it together part, though.

Exercise: We ran the LL Bean 10K on the Fourth.  I love that race!  I had swim class on Wednesday and then two nights ago I went on a run with Mr. Cookie.  Yes, that’s all I did.  Blech.

Weight: 164.  I’m glad it went back down from last week’s 165.5, but am irritated that in the course of three weeks I’ve only managed to drop .5 pounds total.

Challenge: Get myself refocused and rededicated.  Lose two pounds by next Sunday.

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