Off the Wagon

Sometimes, I want a child so badly it aches.  I actually cried the other day because of it (that may have also been induced by a lack of sleep).

For the beginning of my dieting, that feeling and desperation sustained me.  It pushed me to eat healthier and get my exercise in and I was incredibly successful.  It felt like pregnancy was a very near and attainable goal.  Then, when our next year of life became more uncertain and it seemed to grow more and more clear that any family planning would have to take a back seat for a year or so, I started to flounder.

This past week was lousy on a dieting and marriage perspective but great on a personal level.  The show I’ve been working on finally closed, so the late late nights, bad food, and heavy drinking have come to an end.  It has also left me three pounds heavier on the scale (it doesn’t really help that I seem entirely unable to poop).  I am demoralized.

But, I’m not giving up.  I am way way way behind on my weight loss.  I may have to wait an eternity to have kids because of my fat ass (and believe me, it feels like an eternity).  But I’m going to do this healthfully.  No crash dieting.  No obsessive exercising.  Besides, I have all the time in the world.

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    J9 said,

    Hey There! How are all those black and blues doing? With as much as you’ve been beating yourself up … you should be covered with them! ;^)

    Life doesn’t always work out exactly the way we planned … why is it so important that you lose weight to have a baby? If you eat healthy and get adequate exercise … and also enjoy your life … you will be in a much better place to enjoy adding a baby to your family. Please don’t make getting pregnant contingent upon all other factors in your life. If you (and Mr. Cookie) are ready to start a family … do it. Once you have a child, everything else becomes less important … your priorities will change and you will experience a happiness that you never could have thought possible.

    My two cents.

  2. 2

    PBB said,

    I couldn’t agree more!

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