Conference: 2010 Edition

Last year, I wrote a snarky post about parent teacher conferences and the misery of them.  This  year, I’m still feeling snarky but I also want to say a couple things before launching into my poking fun.  I know, it’s lame to add a “but,” especially before I’ve even started the darkly humored venting.  I have to say that, for every one parent who sucks my will to live, there are 10 who are awesome.  I like parents who show up for parent/teacher conferences for the most part.  I plan to be one one day.  The majority of them are loving, understanding people.  All of them are well-intentioned:  they want their kids to succeed.  How some of them go about it, though, brings a range of reactions from raised eyebrows to a fierce desire to bang my head against a brick wall.  Here we go.

Dear Helicopter Parent:

Do you hear that wooshing sound?  I think it might be the propellers, and I think it might be why you can’t hear a word I’m saying.  Your kid does not, as you claim, have “straight A+s in every class but mine (within which his grade was… less than stellar).  I know this because I can look his grades up.  Also, when we’ve confirmed that one of his issues is that he’s not doing the reading and failing/not passing in a lot of his homework, I’m questioning whether telling me I need to be more clear with them when they are supposed to do reading at home (what?  “Finish Chapter 3” on the board and verbal reminders aren’t enough?) and telling me I have to make sure he puts his book into his bag at the end of the day ALONG with giving him an EXTRA worksheet for every chapter when he can barely manage to finish the work I am giving him probably isn’t going to help much.  Motivation is an issue.  I’m not a magician.  Also, I’m sorry you’re not thrilled with his seat (up near the board).  But, as I’ve told you multiple times now, he chose that seat himself because he was having trouble focusing and was getting in trouble.  HE asked ME to put him there.  And you know what?  His behavior has improved.  Along with his grades so far this quarter.  Finally, I doubt he really believes I dislike him (which you triumphantly threw in my face as you were huffing out of my room).  If that was the case, why would he frequently stay after to chat with me about his BMX bikes and his other hobbies after getting extra help?  If I’m so nasty, why does he loves spending time with me after school?

-Banging my head against a wall,

Mrs. Cookie

Dear Mrs. Making Connections,

I think it’s laudable that you are trying to help your daughter as much as possible.  Really, it’s lovely.  And maybe she is a visual learner and watching the movie helps.  I had to smile a little when you, very seriously, asked me “Oh, so the book is more accurate than the movie?” after I told you that you needed to be careful, as the movie does not follow the book exactly (and contains many inaccuracies).  It’s not a historical documentary.  There is no more or less accurate.  There is accurate and not accurate because the movie came years and years after the book and was based on the book.  Take my idea to use the Venn Diagram to help you daughter understand that there are differences.  I promise it will help.

Full belly laughing when you leave the room,

Mrs. Cookie

Dear Mrs Life Navigationally Challenged Mom,

I’m so fascinated to hear about the 10 in long scratch on your arm and how it was caused by a baby kitten who attacked you and tried to “eat you alive” when you tried to pick up his siezing mother.  I really am.  Can we get back to your child because I’ve got a bunch of other parents who want to talk to me.

Never buying a cat with epilepsy,

Mrs. Cookie

Dear Red Headed Lady with the brown-haired husband and red headed daughter,

You give me hope to one day have a red headed child.

Hoping Mr. Cookie will give me a ginger,

Mrs. Cookie

Dear Bosnian Momma,

I love you and your delicious baklava and your awesome sons.  Keep it up, Captain.

One pound heavier,

Mrs. Cookie

Hmm.  I guess that wasn’t so bad.  G’night, all!

1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    VatiCookie said,

    GREAT read! I think you’re more adult than I.

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